Thanks for putting a point on what many are thinking. I know I am. 68 years of this living does not prepare you to mentally think about leaving but with time being short the daily flow of horror is not how anyone wants to get to the finish.
This post resonated with me. I grieved when I left in 2017 and then again after the election results in November 2024. Once you no longer live in the U.S. and the Kool Aid is out of your system, you look gain a different perspective and suddenly some things now seem ridiculous, such as fighting with for profit insurance companies for basic healthcare, how some things can be legal in one state but illegal in another (and my husband and I are both lawyers and have sat for bar exams in 3 different jurisdictions each - can't believe we didn't think of it before), or that election cycles last for years at a time. The grief you feel when you leave under these circumstances is similar to how one feels when you no longer have either parent in that you lose your "center" and you know that even though you can visit, you can't go home again.
Myself and a friend who both have a daughter have considered leaving as well New Zealand Portugal or wherever, but I can't abandon my daughter. And neither can he , that adds another complex aspect, one's self-protection thoughts.
I'm in the same place. I'm leaving. Not right this minute, but preparations are in place. Things are aligning. And I'm leaving. Thank you for being bold enough to write this. For all who grieve dashed hopes here in the Motherland...
This is a powerful piece. I understand and empathize with the pain you are describing—a pain that is made all the worse by the uncertainty of the current moment. Is this really the end of America as we knew it? Is authoritarian rule an inexorable certainty at this point? If not, how long to wait before it seems certain? Will people still be able to get out in two years' time—or even one? And what kind of reception will they be met with in a world that the USA has suddenly turned against?
For what it's worth, I left the country not long after the US started a war in Iraq. I thought things were bad then, and I thought they were much worse during Trump 1.0, but now... there are no words for how bad things are becoming. No words that are not dredged from history books we hoped never to have to open again.
I am no historian, and my political acumen is not much greater than my turtle's. But when it comes to starting over, that's an area in which I have experience. And I can say this, in response to the question of whether leaving and starting a life elsewhere can help: Yes, it can help. If you move abroad, you will be starting a new life, and right now, you cannot predict what it will be like. The level of difference between countries and cultures is just too great for anyone to correctly predict, unless they have many years of experience with both places.
But you will have a new life. You will have new things to think about—some of them wonderful, and some of them awful. But, if you choose well, they will be different from the things you have to think about now, such as unaffordable health care, a stripping away of basic rights, and the possible emergence of a police state.
Sadly, the tacos won't be as good, though, unless you go to Mexico. So that's something to consider.
I wish the best of luck to everyone who is in this position!
Heads up: the American Dream kool-aid leaves a wicked hangover. The good news is that there’s life on the outside, and you’re not alone. I’m speaking with and reading from lots of Americans who have (or presently are) realizing that the ideal was played for ill gains. Keep charging through this, you’ll be stronger for it. And if nothing else, your dollar goes so much further up here in Canada!
lol. If only your country's immigration wasn't such a chaotic mess. :) I don't say that judgmentally, just observationally. The past decade has been rough for Canada in terms of immigration, and it has created structural problems politically, economically, and culturally that are going to take some time to solve.
But I could see myself living in Canada. I mean, the weather isn't all that different from Minnesota. And I already don't make fun of the accent. ;D
True story: I dealt with your ambassador to the US back in 2006, Wilson (I also dealt with McKenna before he left). Wilson thought it was interesting that I didn't joke or look crazy at the Canadian staff in how they articulated certain words and phrases. So I said, "I'm from Minnesota. I'm used to it." And he nodded... lol.
Minnesota, Michigan, Maine, and New York are integrated in economics, politics, and culture with Canada. Not to say we're not uniquely American... we are... but proximity, necessity, and economics have made us neighbors who interact more than just occasionally.
And if you read at Borderless... Canada was the first place I went to move money abroad. The people at TD were quite helpful. And I got a trip to Fort Frances (which I had not seen before this trip.) But Toronto, Calgary, Montreal, Vancouver, and Ottawa are all amazing places that I have visited. I saw the Calgary Stampede when I was a Boy Scout like 9 million years ago... lol :) First time I ever went to Canada.
You’re absolutely correct. There are a few ongoing issues here, some decades in the making. They’ll take time to sort out. Immigration is messy on several fronts, from bureaucratic to logistical. Don’t slam the door shut, but don’t leave it propped open either. Have a plan in place for growth that includes financing expansion using other than just a shovel. We’ll get there.
I just completed the drive from Calgary to Winnipeg and return for the 20th(?) time in the last two decades. The visual effects of immigration are evident. Our demography, both urban and rural, has changed greatly in that time. Unsustainable immigration leads to frustration that can ignite cultural fuses. Best to be aligned to a common goal, the common good, and have the majority in agreement.
We’ve always had an easy peace with the border states. I’m originally from southern Ontario (including my school years in Windsor) and my wife jokes that I can be as much American at times as I am Canadian. There’s a relationship built on experience and mutual respect that will outlast the current spate of craziness.
Geographically, we’re just as expansive as the U.S., and filled with some incredibly beautiful places. I’d tell you to bring a sweater but hey, you’re from Minnesota - you know the drill.
So, when we drove to Fort Frances... it was like 70 (22C) in Minneapolis... so we only brought some light jackets. We get to Fort Frances... and it's like 30 (-2C) degrees with snow on the ground. My wife and I both look at each other after we get out of the car and we're like, "Our fault."
We had similar feelings when we left the US and it took a very long time to get over the hangover of it all. I was definitely not at the level of international dealings that you were, just a public school teacher (which I had long felt was one of the most patriotic jobs I’d ever done) and political and economic analysis on the side for the last decade.
We simply came to the conclusion that the issues that we saw, ones that shaped our day to day lives, were not going to get resolved on our timeline. We never planned to leave, but once we set our minds to it, it was the only really option for us.
The guilt and the hangover were still very, very real and it took us a very long time to “land” in the country we chose to move to.
I left with my daughter and was quickly joined by my brother, sister-in-law, and youngest nephew. None of us regret the choice to leave, but we are grieving the main reason we did so. We don't even recognize the United States that we grew up in, and I feared for my disabled daughter's safety.
Luckily for my brother, nephew, daughter, and me, we are dual citizens (US/Italy) and are able to live and work anywhere in the EU. My adult nephews remained in the U.S. so we are concerned about them. My elderly mother is also in the U.S., but she "drank the Kool Aid" and doesn't seem to understand what is happening to the country we once loved.
The grief of leaving behind our country and remaining family and friends is definitely real. Although some of them also want to leave, their financial issues won't allow them to emigrate.
As middle-aged parents, we are young enough to embrace our new lives as an adventure for us and our kids but old enough to understand and grieve what we lost. I am actually afraid to return to the U.S. even for a visit, and that makes me incredibly sad.
I am hoping the European Union border guards will start a policy of hacking into phones and laptops on incoming Americans, and if there is any message of support for Trump, Vance, Putin or MAGA, they will be arrested and deported to eastern Ukraine to fight Russians.
This is a very poignant essay. It reminds me of what my father said about the time when he decided to leave China: "I love my country. But does it love me back?"
I left Hong Kong seeing it was descending into lawlessness and repression. My experience resonates with what you write about being able to do more with the freedom you will get abroad. I certainly have been able to speak more freely about Hong Kong here in the U.S. (though not entirely without worries of surveillance).
I don't feel the same sense of patriotism that you feel since I did not grow up here. I could pack and leave any moment if it wasn't for my elderly Trumper mom who was the instigator of migrating here and who loves the Big Fat America Dream. She might be losing social security soon and who else but me ought to be responsible to see to it that she doesn't starve? So my hands are tied.
Instead of preparing to emigrate, I have actually packed a go bag in case I lose my freedom as a non-white immigrant. Pathetic isn't it?
I'm sorry that the decision to leave comes with so much sadness. Detaching from a place you've lived most of your life is going to be painful. Living overseas will also bring a sense of rootlessness and loneliness that may accompany you for the rest of your life. Of course, if you adapt well and are treated with respect in your adopted country, these feelings will lessen. I don't think you will ever experience the kind of experience I lived through as a second class citizen in the West.
To be able to breathe freedom and live in peace is priceless. I wish you a safe journey.
Yeah - as many have said, this one resonates. I'm still in government policy work, trying to protect my own team as best I can. But the feeling started putting itself together after Biden's disastrous debate. And then accelerated in November. The grief finally made itself fully known when I was visiting Monticello. But that, and several of my stories from the inside of the USG are for another time.
Thanks for the intellectual validation/support/whatever we want to call it.
Thank you for sharing this. That means a lot—especially coming from someone still on the inside, trying to shield others in real time. I don’t take that lightly.
I know the moment you’re describing. For me, it wasn’t a single event—it was a slow, accumulating weight. But once it clicks into place, you can’t unsee it. And from that point on, every headline, every decision, every silence feels like confirmation.
Monticello… that’s a haunting place for it to break open. The contradictions in that soil run deep.
I’d love to read your stories when you’re ready to share them. And if it ever feels right, consider The Long Memo a platform when that time comes. If not—just knowing there are people like you still in the system, still fighting to protect what can be protected—that matters more than you probably get credit for.
It was, in fact, one of those Monticello contradictions you mention that did it. One that I hadn't fully understood, but that hit me like a brick once I saw a more detailed picture.
As you may have noticed, I write my newsletter as an escape from the things I do during the weekdays. But I do of course write out thoughts on all this (*waves at everything*) when I need to examine my own biases and ideas. In fact I just turned one of my personal sketches into a speech for a high level official. LOL
And you now have me thinking about what would I want to share with others without forcing on people who just come to my corner to know more about swordplay.
Thank you for such a thoughtful, informative passage on what we are all experiencing.
I have checked Canada, where I lived for 3.5 years long ago, and Ireland, land of my ancestors.
I don't make enough income to live either place and the tax implications on my SS and pensions would be insurmountable.
I traveled to Ireland twice while my daughter was studying there. It felt like going home. And I left a large piece of my heart there. I still go there in my meditations and memory to find peace and solace.
Thank you for teaching me a new word- anocracy. That fits so well what we are living through right now.
I'm trying to think of this time as a very prolonged labor giving birth to who knows what one day.
Life will be hard for so many for so long, globally as well as nationally, due to the ineptitude of the current executive branch and the assigned minions in so many administrative depts.
I'm old enough to know we will get through this dark time.
I am Canadian, and certainly a pessimist, and I feel like I am living in Poland in the spring of 1939.
The powerful country we border has embraced fascism, and rumblings of our invasion are loud and repeated almost daily by their authoritarian administration.
At first, I wondered if we would be like Austria or Czechoslovakia and capitulate without a whimper, but now I see we will put up a little bit of a fight, so I think the Poland comparison - including the Russian component of their struggle - is a more likely scenario.
I have seven children and two grandchildren located in three different provinces in Canada. My husband does not share my concerns so if I were to leave, I would be leaving alone which I do not have the emotional or physical strength to do. As such, I assume I will die on this hill, right here, but goddamnit, I will not "go gentle into that good night".
What’s the right thing to do with your life in the time you have left? Same question as always, I guess. Seems your mind has been critically engaged in the gunk of that grandiose American self-image, for some time. Perhaps you owe it to yourself to change the diet, so to speak. But really, will living elsewhere keep your mind from dwelling on it?
A question not lost on me... and the simple answer is yes, I think so.
I always experienced that living elsewhere, travelling, etc., was a tempering effect on your views and beliefs. And having moved several times in my life, there is indeed a process. At first you hate it all, then you adapt to it all, and then you can't imagine it any other way.
I imagine that would be the case living elsewhere... although I don't anticipate that problem without difficulty, and I imagine the children will do better at it than I will. LOL.
When I was in Italy, France, Spain, for about a month... I didn't really dwell on what was happening in the U.S. (although many of the people on my cruise boat or other travellers we encountered along the way were wanting to talk about those things with me.)
I've had to reinvent myself several times in my career. Each time it's painful... but you eventually find a road.
Thanks for putting a point on what many are thinking. I know I am. 68 years of this living does not prepare you to mentally think about leaving but with time being short the daily flow of horror is not how anyone wants to get to the finish.
This post resonated with me. I grieved when I left in 2017 and then again after the election results in November 2024. Once you no longer live in the U.S. and the Kool Aid is out of your system, you look gain a different perspective and suddenly some things now seem ridiculous, such as fighting with for profit insurance companies for basic healthcare, how some things can be legal in one state but illegal in another (and my husband and I are both lawyers and have sat for bar exams in 3 different jurisdictions each - can't believe we didn't think of it before), or that election cycles last for years at a time. The grief you feel when you leave under these circumstances is similar to how one feels when you no longer have either parent in that you lose your "center" and you know that even though you can visit, you can't go home again.
Myself and a friend who both have a daughter have considered leaving as well New Zealand Portugal or wherever, but I can't abandon my daughter. And neither can he , that adds another complex aspect, one's self-protection thoughts.
Very complex and scary.
This hits hard, as it should. Thank you.
I'm in the same place. I'm leaving. Not right this minute, but preparations are in place. Things are aligning. And I'm leaving. Thank you for being bold enough to write this. For all who grieve dashed hopes here in the Motherland...
This is a powerful piece. I understand and empathize with the pain you are describing—a pain that is made all the worse by the uncertainty of the current moment. Is this really the end of America as we knew it? Is authoritarian rule an inexorable certainty at this point? If not, how long to wait before it seems certain? Will people still be able to get out in two years' time—or even one? And what kind of reception will they be met with in a world that the USA has suddenly turned against?
For what it's worth, I left the country not long after the US started a war in Iraq. I thought things were bad then, and I thought they were much worse during Trump 1.0, but now... there are no words for how bad things are becoming. No words that are not dredged from history books we hoped never to have to open again.
I am no historian, and my political acumen is not much greater than my turtle's. But when it comes to starting over, that's an area in which I have experience. And I can say this, in response to the question of whether leaving and starting a life elsewhere can help: Yes, it can help. If you move abroad, you will be starting a new life, and right now, you cannot predict what it will be like. The level of difference between countries and cultures is just too great for anyone to correctly predict, unless they have many years of experience with both places.
But you will have a new life. You will have new things to think about—some of them wonderful, and some of them awful. But, if you choose well, they will be different from the things you have to think about now, such as unaffordable health care, a stripping away of basic rights, and the possible emergence of a police state.
Sadly, the tacos won't be as good, though, unless you go to Mexico. So that's something to consider.
I wish the best of luck to everyone who is in this position!
Heads up: the American Dream kool-aid leaves a wicked hangover. The good news is that there’s life on the outside, and you’re not alone. I’m speaking with and reading from lots of Americans who have (or presently are) realizing that the ideal was played for ill gains. Keep charging through this, you’ll be stronger for it. And if nothing else, your dollar goes so much further up here in Canada!
lol. If only your country's immigration wasn't such a chaotic mess. :) I don't say that judgmentally, just observationally. The past decade has been rough for Canada in terms of immigration, and it has created structural problems politically, economically, and culturally that are going to take some time to solve.
But I could see myself living in Canada. I mean, the weather isn't all that different from Minnesota. And I already don't make fun of the accent. ;D
True story: I dealt with your ambassador to the US back in 2006, Wilson (I also dealt with McKenna before he left). Wilson thought it was interesting that I didn't joke or look crazy at the Canadian staff in how they articulated certain words and phrases. So I said, "I'm from Minnesota. I'm used to it." And he nodded... lol.
Minnesota, Michigan, Maine, and New York are integrated in economics, politics, and culture with Canada. Not to say we're not uniquely American... we are... but proximity, necessity, and economics have made us neighbors who interact more than just occasionally.
And if you read at Borderless... Canada was the first place I went to move money abroad. The people at TD were quite helpful. And I got a trip to Fort Frances (which I had not seen before this trip.) But Toronto, Calgary, Montreal, Vancouver, and Ottawa are all amazing places that I have visited. I saw the Calgary Stampede when I was a Boy Scout like 9 million years ago... lol :) First time I ever went to Canada.
You’re absolutely correct. There are a few ongoing issues here, some decades in the making. They’ll take time to sort out. Immigration is messy on several fronts, from bureaucratic to logistical. Don’t slam the door shut, but don’t leave it propped open either. Have a plan in place for growth that includes financing expansion using other than just a shovel. We’ll get there.
I just completed the drive from Calgary to Winnipeg and return for the 20th(?) time in the last two decades. The visual effects of immigration are evident. Our demography, both urban and rural, has changed greatly in that time. Unsustainable immigration leads to frustration that can ignite cultural fuses. Best to be aligned to a common goal, the common good, and have the majority in agreement.
We’ve always had an easy peace with the border states. I’m originally from southern Ontario (including my school years in Windsor) and my wife jokes that I can be as much American at times as I am Canadian. There’s a relationship built on experience and mutual respect that will outlast the current spate of craziness.
Geographically, we’re just as expansive as the U.S., and filled with some incredibly beautiful places. I’d tell you to bring a sweater but hey, you’re from Minnesota - you know the drill.
Funny you should say that...
So, when we drove to Fort Frances... it was like 70 (22C) in Minneapolis... so we only brought some light jackets. We get to Fort Frances... and it's like 30 (-2C) degrees with snow on the ground. My wife and I both look at each other after we get out of the car and we're like, "Our fault."
lol. :)
Ahh Mount Rose ...
Thank you.
We had similar feelings when we left the US and it took a very long time to get over the hangover of it all. I was definitely not at the level of international dealings that you were, just a public school teacher (which I had long felt was one of the most patriotic jobs I’d ever done) and political and economic analysis on the side for the last decade.
We simply came to the conclusion that the issues that we saw, ones that shaped our day to day lives, were not going to get resolved on our timeline. We never planned to leave, but once we set our minds to it, it was the only really option for us.
The guilt and the hangover were still very, very real and it took us a very long time to “land” in the country we chose to move to.
Thanks for writing this.
I left with my daughter and was quickly joined by my brother, sister-in-law, and youngest nephew. None of us regret the choice to leave, but we are grieving the main reason we did so. We don't even recognize the United States that we grew up in, and I feared for my disabled daughter's safety.
Luckily for my brother, nephew, daughter, and me, we are dual citizens (US/Italy) and are able to live and work anywhere in the EU. My adult nephews remained in the U.S. so we are concerned about them. My elderly mother is also in the U.S., but she "drank the Kool Aid" and doesn't seem to understand what is happening to the country we once loved.
The grief of leaving behind our country and remaining family and friends is definitely real. Although some of them also want to leave, their financial issues won't allow them to emigrate.
As middle-aged parents, we are young enough to embrace our new lives as an adventure for us and our kids but old enough to understand and grieve what we lost. I am actually afraid to return to the U.S. even for a visit, and that makes me incredibly sad.
I am hoping the European Union border guards will start a policy of hacking into phones and laptops on incoming Americans, and if there is any message of support for Trump, Vance, Putin or MAGA, they will be arrested and deported to eastern Ukraine to fight Russians.
This is a very poignant essay. It reminds me of what my father said about the time when he decided to leave China: "I love my country. But does it love me back?"
I left Hong Kong seeing it was descending into lawlessness and repression. My experience resonates with what you write about being able to do more with the freedom you will get abroad. I certainly have been able to speak more freely about Hong Kong here in the U.S. (though not entirely without worries of surveillance).
I don't feel the same sense of patriotism that you feel since I did not grow up here. I could pack and leave any moment if it wasn't for my elderly Trumper mom who was the instigator of migrating here and who loves the Big Fat America Dream. She might be losing social security soon and who else but me ought to be responsible to see to it that she doesn't starve? So my hands are tied.
Instead of preparing to emigrate, I have actually packed a go bag in case I lose my freedom as a non-white immigrant. Pathetic isn't it?
I'm sorry that the decision to leave comes with so much sadness. Detaching from a place you've lived most of your life is going to be painful. Living overseas will also bring a sense of rootlessness and loneliness that may accompany you for the rest of your life. Of course, if you adapt well and are treated with respect in your adopted country, these feelings will lessen. I don't think you will ever experience the kind of experience I lived through as a second class citizen in the West.
To be able to breathe freedom and live in peace is priceless. I wish you a safe journey.
Yeah - as many have said, this one resonates. I'm still in government policy work, trying to protect my own team as best I can. But the feeling started putting itself together after Biden's disastrous debate. And then accelerated in November. The grief finally made itself fully known when I was visiting Monticello. But that, and several of my stories from the inside of the USG are for another time.
Thanks for the intellectual validation/support/whatever we want to call it.
Thank you for sharing this. That means a lot—especially coming from someone still on the inside, trying to shield others in real time. I don’t take that lightly.
I know the moment you’re describing. For me, it wasn’t a single event—it was a slow, accumulating weight. But once it clicks into place, you can’t unsee it. And from that point on, every headline, every decision, every silence feels like confirmation.
Monticello… that’s a haunting place for it to break open. The contradictions in that soil run deep.
I’d love to read your stories when you’re ready to share them. And if it ever feels right, consider The Long Memo a platform when that time comes. If not—just knowing there are people like you still in the system, still fighting to protect what can be protected—that matters more than you probably get credit for.
Stay safe.
It was, in fact, one of those Monticello contradictions you mention that did it. One that I hadn't fully understood, but that hit me like a brick once I saw a more detailed picture.
As you may have noticed, I write my newsletter as an escape from the things I do during the weekdays. But I do of course write out thoughts on all this (*waves at everything*) when I need to examine my own biases and ideas. In fact I just turned one of my personal sketches into a speech for a high level official. LOL
And you now have me thinking about what would I want to share with others without forcing on people who just come to my corner to know more about swordplay.
Regards as you navigate the loss of your Mother.
Thank you for such a thoughtful, informative passage on what we are all experiencing.
I have checked Canada, where I lived for 3.5 years long ago, and Ireland, land of my ancestors.
I don't make enough income to live either place and the tax implications on my SS and pensions would be insurmountable.
I traveled to Ireland twice while my daughter was studying there. It felt like going home. And I left a large piece of my heart there. I still go there in my meditations and memory to find peace and solace.
Thank you for teaching me a new word- anocracy. That fits so well what we are living through right now.
I'm trying to think of this time as a very prolonged labor giving birth to who knows what one day.
Life will be hard for so many for so long, globally as well as nationally, due to the ineptitude of the current executive branch and the assigned minions in so many administrative depts.
I'm old enough to know we will get through this dark time.
Do what you can with what you have where you are.
I am Canadian, and certainly a pessimist, and I feel like I am living in Poland in the spring of 1939.
The powerful country we border has embraced fascism, and rumblings of our invasion are loud and repeated almost daily by their authoritarian administration.
At first, I wondered if we would be like Austria or Czechoslovakia and capitulate without a whimper, but now I see we will put up a little bit of a fight, so I think the Poland comparison - including the Russian component of their struggle - is a more likely scenario.
I have seven children and two grandchildren located in three different provinces in Canada. My husband does not share my concerns so if I were to leave, I would be leaving alone which I do not have the emotional or physical strength to do. As such, I assume I will die on this hill, right here, but goddamnit, I will not "go gentle into that good night".
What’s the right thing to do with your life in the time you have left? Same question as always, I guess. Seems your mind has been critically engaged in the gunk of that grandiose American self-image, for some time. Perhaps you owe it to yourself to change the diet, so to speak. But really, will living elsewhere keep your mind from dwelling on it?
A question not lost on me... and the simple answer is yes, I think so.
I always experienced that living elsewhere, travelling, etc., was a tempering effect on your views and beliefs. And having moved several times in my life, there is indeed a process. At first you hate it all, then you adapt to it all, and then you can't imagine it any other way.
I imagine that would be the case living elsewhere... although I don't anticipate that problem without difficulty, and I imagine the children will do better at it than I will. LOL.
When I was in Italy, France, Spain, for about a month... I didn't really dwell on what was happening in the U.S. (although many of the people on my cruise boat or other travellers we encountered along the way were wanting to talk about those things with me.)
I've had to reinvent myself several times in my career. Each time it's painful... but you eventually find a road.
Indeed, your resume of accomplishments is staggering. I didn't know that there were any of you left. I'll say this; you've been there done that..